


shattered glass

by fiveyaaas



Series: under mistletoe [19]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: (side vanyallison), Blow Jobs, Christmas Lingerie, Christmas Presents, Christmas Smut, Cunnilingus, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Lingerie, Oral Sex, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Wine, but it felt like the right tagging, idk man, is it really lingerie if it’s just bows being tied to a person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:33:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “Allison, I have a problem,” Vanya said, immediately as she picked up her telephone.“Are Luther and Five okay?”“What? Yeah, they’re fine. I have… a… relationship problem.”Allison made a small noise, “Oh, God, how far along are you?”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: under mistletoe [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036878
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48
Collections: Harcest Ficmas 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luz_Floral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luz_Floral/gifts).



She had no idea what to do. 

For months, she’d been stressing over what to get him, not really sure what one got the person they could finally be with after twenty years of waiting, a person that they loved in many seemingly conflicting ways. It wasn’t like she could just go to the mall, try to explain their relationship to a random sales associate, and hope that they’d be able to point her in the direction of which tie to buy. (Should she have gotten him a tie? He wore suits, maybe he would have liked that.)

Eventually, she lost all hope for ever getting him a good present, and she accepted defeat.

Meaning that she got him a tacky, gaudy ornament, deciding that she would never be able to find the _right_ thing. Granted, there were probably _better_ things than a figurine of Santa Claus sporting a bathing suit and beach hat, that played a recording of ‘Mele Kalikimaka’ at the push of a button. Unfortunately, she’d bought it at literally the last minute. 

And, yet, somehow, that had broken too. 

Well, it wasn’t really _somehow._ The destruction had been a result of their dog, who had taken one look at it as she was beginning to wrap it up, grabbing the ornament in his mouth like it was a chew toy before launching it to the other side of the room. It crashed against the wall and his tongue dipped out excitedly, like he was trying to say, ‘Do you have _more_ toys for me?’

Vanya whimpered. 

There was _nothing_ that she could possibly do, considering the fact that Five would get home in less than three hours, having gone on some sort of bonding experience trip with Luther (that his twin had forced from him). It was something that Vanya had convinced Five to go to in hopes that she would have a chance to plan _something_ for Christmas while he was gone. At this short of notice, the only person she could call with certainty that they’d so much as pick up was Allison, who was also waiting for her husband to come home. 

“Allison, I have a problem,” Vanya said, as soon as she heard her pick up her telephone. 

“Are Luther and Five okay?”

“What? Yeah, they’re fine. I have… a… relationship problem.”

Allison made a small noise, “Oh, God, how far along are you?”

_“What?”_

“You’re _not_ pregnant?”

“Of course I’m not pregnant. I have an IUD.”

“Then, what is the problem?’

“Well,... I had not gotten Five a gift for Christmas until I went to the drug store and found something, about, uh, thirty minutes ago. But it is now broken. And I’m freaking out because I have no idea what to do, and this seems like something you could solve with your powers.”

Allison snorted, “Why don’t you use your own?”

“I fail to see how telekinesis would help me on this.”

“That’s not what I’m referring to.”

Vanya frowned, not speaking because she didn’t exactly follow, and she didn’t want to expose herself on that.

“You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”

“No, I have no idea,” she confessed. 

“You have no hope.” Vanya started to protest, but Allison plowed on, “Alright, here’s the deal. Do you have any ribbons or bows or anything with you?”

She glanced down at the stack of wrapping paper, bows, ribbons, and gift tags. “Yes, but why?”

“Can you seriously not see where I’m going with this?”

“Allison, I’m not well-versed in relationships like you.”

“Okay, so that’s an inaccurate statement, but we won’t get into it right now because you have some work to do. First of all, before we go forward, how comfortable are you with me seeing you naked?”

Vanya sputtered, feeling her face begin to heat up. “I’m not…” She glanced around, despite the fact that the apartment was entirely empty aside from Mr. Pennycrumb trying to bite the tree. Still, her voice was quiet when she muttered, “I’m not having a _threesome_ for Five’s Christmas present.”

“How the _fuck_ did your mind go to threesome before wrapping yourself up in ribbons?”

Vanya blinked. _“Oh.”_

“Aren’t you supposed to be smart?”

“Can you be here in an hour?”

“I’ll be here in less than that. Also, you owe me for this, and, by that I mean, you’re babysitting Claire for me on Luther and I’s next date night.”

* * *

Allison brought a bottle of strawberry Moscato along with her, apparently excited for the opportunity of getting drunk on Christmas as sisters. They hadn’t immediately become friends with one another, and there were times that they had to avoid one another even now. However, they had, at the very least, gotten to a point that Vanya could talk to her without feeling the vast amount of guilt that had eclipsed any of their interactions less than a year prior. She was glad that Allison wanted to be her friend, and she was so grateful for it as well. It was nice having a female friend, for the first time in all of her life. (Not that she had an abundance of male friends, considering that Five (and sometimes Ben) had been her only friends when she was young, and she hadn’t made any friends at all as an adult.)

While Allison started fixing her hair, claiming that she’d never gotten to do this for anybody without rumoring them beforehand and wanting the opportunity to do so. Really, all of the decisions were made for Allison’s benefit, but, by the time she was done with her, having finished her decorating off with a large, velvet bow against Vanya’s torso, Allison told her a quick, ‘good luck!’ and left after Vanya called her a taxi, both of them experiencing the wine going to their head. 

Though Vanya was a little happy for the wine because she felt _ridiculous_ in what she was wearing. When Five appeared in their place, she was sprawled against the couch, unable to contain the tipsy giggles spilling from her mouth. 

“Are you alright?” Five asked, crouching down beside her. 

“You’re late.”

“Sorry,” he said, sighing and kissing her cheek. “I was… what are you _wearing?”_

“I’m your present.”

He raised his brows. “I think my present is seconds away from vomiting on my shoes.”

“No, I’m good. I just need water.”

Chuckling, he blinked away, and she stood up, blood rushing to her head as she did and collapsing back against the pillows. When he tipped a cup of water to her lips, she guzzled it down. 

“How much did you even drink?”

“Half a bottle, but I haven’t eaten anything all day.”

Five’s brows furrowed. “Do you want something to eat then?”

“Wait, no, I want _sex_ because I didn’t get you a _real_ present.”

He sat down, laying her head in his lap and fixing his tie. “Vanya, I just had to go to something called an _escape room,_ and every time I tried to just blink out of there, which isn’t even _cheating,_ I had to hear Luther rant to me about being a ‘bad sport.’ Trust me when I say that getting to spend the rest of the night with you is the best present I could possibly receive right now.”

“Do you not want to have sex?” Vanya pouted. 

“I’m still convinced that you might throw up on me.” 

At her look, he leaned down to kiss her. “Okay, you know what? If you can hold down dinner, then yes. I’ll accept that as a present.”

“What do you mean that you’ll _accept_ that as a present?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is just a two-shot, and I shouldn’t be so excited to have a WIP done..... but it’s one less thing on my list😭😭😭 Hope you guys enjoy the rest of this!!!💕

Having been forced into a ‘brotherly bonding’ experience by Luther (who was taking the news of being his fraternal twin a little  _ too  _ well in Five’s opinion) earlier that night, Five was truly  _ thankful  _ to be home with his wife. That being said, he hadn’t expected her to be drunk by the time he’d gotten home, and he was a little irritated with Allison for testing the limits of Vanya’s newly found control.

Though, really, it might just be that he was, just the  _ slightest _ bit, overprotective. 

Mr. Pennycrumb hopped around her as she giggled, excitedly wagging his tail and trying to get her attention, directing a bark his way every few moments, like he was chiding him for causing his favorite owner to act this way. Five frowned at him, a little offended that his dog would assume that  _ he  _ was the cause. 

While he started chopping up peppers and cucumbers to throw into a salad, Vanya sidled up behind him, her tiny body pressing up to his back. As her arms wrapped around his torso, he set his free hand up to cover both of her own, mentally preparing equations to turn back time on the off-chance that she slipped and broke her ankle. 

“You want some more water, dear?” he asked, setting the knife down. 

He could practically  _ hear  _ her pout. “No.” 

“It might help you avoid getting a tummy ache.” Turning around with a small smile, he scooped her up, adjusting her legs to where they were wrapped around his torso. He gently brushed his lips to her forehead, asking, “You’re sure you can’t drink just a little water? For me?”

Vanya sighed, loudly, before nodding. 

“Good girl.” Quickly, he made her another glass, pressing it to her lips, letting her sip at it while he went back to work making them dinner. Remembering what she’d been talking about earlier, he told her, “You know, Vanya, I didn’t expect you to get me  _ anything.  _ When I spent years without knowing I’d ever see you again, I can’t begin to tell you how much of a gift it is to just  _ be _ with you.”

“I got you an ornament.”

Five smirked, picturing Vanya with a crease between her brows, finally deciding on getting him something  _ cheery.  _ “What did it look like?” 

“It was this Santa figurine, dressed in beach clothing. Like a hat and swim trunks, you know? And it sang ‘Mele Kalikimaka’ when you pressed a button.”

He snorted, setting her down in front of the table and kissing her cheek. “I would have cherished it forever.”

“Mr. Pennycrumb broke it,” she whimpered. 

“That’s alright, sweetheart.” Kissing her again, he added, “Now sit very still, okay?”

Blinking over to the kitchen, he made her a plate, asking, “Do you want a blanket? You look cold.”

“Not cold.”

“Alright.” He was aware that she wasn’t telling the truth, but he didn’t argue with her, blinking back to her side, smiling when she immediately started scarfing down food. “I’m pretty sure that when I go to Hell that I’m going to have to solve escape room after escape—” 

Five cut himself off with a surprised grunt when she crawled on top of him, pressing her lips to his with no grace at all. 

She bit his lip a little, pulling back and whispering, “I’m a good present, right?”

Normally, she wouldn't have been able to say something like that with a straight face, so, normally, he wouldn’t have been as affected as he was by it. However, because his wife was still a little tipsy, she just sounded breathless, looking up to him like she was waiting for him to express his approval. 

“Yes, you are, Vanya,” he groaned, kissing her again. When she pulled away, he made a small, dejected noise, but then she was crawling off of him, sinking down to her knees, and working at his belt buckle. His head tilted back, gasping as she unzipped his trousers, sinking his hands into her glossy hair. 

Looking up at him, with eyes that were pleading for his praise, she tugged his pants down fully. He grunted out praise, not even really sure what exactly he was saying, but, based on the approving noises his wife made, she didn’t mind any of it. As soon as he felt his stomach tighten, though, he softly asked her to stop, lifting her up onto the table. 

“You’re my present,” he explained, kissing her knee and slowly dragging his fingers over the seam of the ribbon around her torso. “So I get to choose what I want to—”

_ “Yes,”  _ she interrupted, and he chuckled at her eagerness, finally reaching the bow as he stepped forward and positioned himself between her legs. “Please—”

He kneeled forward, kissing her inner thighs and tugging at the strings until she was completely bare. By the time she asked again, this time able to fully give her request, his tongue was already inside of her, flicking against the bundle of nerves the way she liked. Smiling against her, he tilted his head a little to gather up slickness with his tongue, nosing at her clit instead. Her legs shook, so he gently rubbed circles against them while he continued to eat her out, listening to the soft noises she was making. 

“Can you—” Even though she was already struggling to speak, he understood what she was saying, standing up to his full height and enjoying the way he towered over her, lifting her back up and blinking them to their bedroom with only a murmur of warning beforehand. Vanya grunted as they landed against their bed, and he quickly shoved off the rest of his clothing, covering his mouth over hers as soon as he was done. 

“I missed you,” Five mumbled against her lips, slotting himself between her thighs again, just grinding against her a little as he craned his head, lips pressing to her ear instead. “You have no idea how much I wish I had spent this day with you.”

She reached down, gripping his cock into her hand and guiding it to her entrance, sardonically asking, “Did you not think the escape room was the best experience of your life?”

“Oh, you’re right. Eloping with you could never compare to Luther repeatedly saying, ‘I think that us being twins is a clue.’”

Vanya snorted. “Allison said that he told the escape room people all about you two celebrating finding out that you were twins.”

“Right, because that’s the kind of thing you have a celebration for.”

“You should be glad he didn’t want a party.”

Five laughed, rocking his hips forward and struggling not to gasp. “I don’t ever want to leave our home again.”

“Too bad for you, you have to work sometime.” Her fingers trailed along his spine, whining as his hand moved between her legs to make sure that she was getting enough pleasure. Voice sheepish, she admitted, “I don’t want to leave our home again, either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!💕 If you read my other fics, the following fics will be updated today: he wore black and i wore white (he would always win the fight), Like Lightning in a Bottle (Can’t Let You Go Now That I Got It), Thirst Trapocalypse, and Little Dark Age. If there are any WIPs that y’all would like me to put on the update schedule for the next week, please tell me in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!💕


End file.
